


to be a part (of something so big)

by MayWilder



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Kid Fic, M/M, Referenced Child Abuse, family fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22321693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayWilder/pseuds/MayWilder
Summary: Jim Kirk is likable.As in…people like him. He thrives on it, and for all of his pseudo-arrogance, he truly does care about what people think of him. When people genuinely like him for reasons other than being George Kirk’s son, it feels good. He knows that for the most part, he’s a good person, a fun person, a loyal person. He chooses to be the good things in the world because he sure can’t count on others to be that.The point is, he’s likable. He tries not to compare himself to his first officer, but there are certain differences. Jim is warm. Spock is cold. Jim smiles. Spock barely lets the corner of his mouth tilt up.All of this is to say that it doesn't make sense when a little girl they rescue chooses to latch onto Spock, and refuses to let go.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 52
Kudos: 673
Collections: A Labyrinth of Fics





	to be a part (of something so big)

**Author's Note:**

> There is no description of child abuse or any scene like that, but there are references to starvation and mental/emotional abuse. Please take care of yourselves, lovelies <3

Jim Kirk is likable. 

As in…people like him. He thrives on it, and for all of his pseudo-arrogance, he truly does care about what people think of him. When people genuinely like him for reasons other than being George Kirk’s son, it feels good. He knows that for the most part, he’s a good person, a fun person, a loyal person. He chooses to be the good things in the world because he sure can’t count on others to be that.

The point is, he’s likable. He tries not to compare himself to his first officer, but there are certain differences. Jim is warm. Spock is cold. Jim smiles. Spock barely lets the corner of his mouth tilt up. 

All of this is to say that it doesn't make sense when a little girl they rescue chooses to latch onto Spock, and refuses to let go.

“I don’t get it,” Bones grumbles. He and Jim are standing on the outside of a private room in Sick Bay, watching Spock use the girl’s bio bed as a desk. He is methodical in his work while the girl reads her own books. “He’s the least comforting being on the ship and she’s hiding behind his legs from everyone else. It doesn’t make any sense!”

“Spock’s likable,” Jim defends, even as he wonders the same thing. “But I’m telling you, the second I had her restraints undone, she was on the other side of the room. Wouldn’t let anyone near her except Spock.”

“Do you think it’s ‘cause he’s not human?” 

“He’s half-human.”

“Christ, kid, I know,” Bones grumbles. “I’m just saying, the report says all of her captors were human. Maybe she likes that he isn’t.”

Jim only hums in response and watches more closely. The girl has only been awake for one hour, but she screamed and cried until Spock showed up. Without asking or giving any warning, she threw herself into Spock’s arms and cried into his neck. The Vulcan was stiff as a board at first, but soon wrapped his arms around the girl, similar to when he carried her out of her captivity and soothed her until she promised to sit in bed quietly. Spock had his paperwork brought to her room. Their agreement to not have any doctors near her for another hour has expired. 

“Well,” Bones sighs dramatically. “Here goes nothing.”

They walk into the room slowly. The little girl looks up at Bones and Jim with wary eyes. “Spock?”

“All is well, Thea,” Spock says calmly. He lays a hand on her arm (which is covered in a blue science officer shirt. Yes, Spock did give the shivering girl his uniform shirt, and Jim does  _ not _ have time to fawn over that, no matter how endearing the scene is). “Jim is my friend, as I’ve told you. He protects people.”

“Like you?”

“More than I do.” Spock assures her. “And Doctor McCoy heals people.”

Thea shrinks. “But…doctors…”

“I ain’t that kind of doctor, sweetheart,” Bones says without any of his usual gruffness. He lowers into a crouch, so his head is below Thea’s eyelevel. “I heal people, take care of them when they’re sick. I don’t know what kind of doctors you had in there, but there aren’t any like that around here.”

She glances to Spock again, who nods once. Thea curls her hand, still covered by the too-long sleeve, around Spock’s. “Please don’t let go.”

“I will not,” Spock promises. He looks to Bones, face impassive. “You may begin, Doctor.”

Bones runs the tricorder over Thea’s little frame. “So, Thea is the name?”

“Spock says it was the goddess of light in Greece. He gave me a story to read. She was the mother of the Sun, Moon, and Stars.”

“Then you’ll fit in around here,” Jim says gently. “What else did you learn about?”

Thea timidly begins telling them about what the book she read, looking at Spock every so often, while Bones continues his exam without saying a word. Jim hangs back and watches, observes how Spock holds Thea’s hand without protest. He knows how sensitive Vulcan’s are to touch. It’s more than a little bizarre. 

When the exam is done, Spock moves to leave. Thea looks to protest, but he whispers something that makes her slowly retract her hand and curl back up with the PADD. 

When the three of them are alone, Jim and Bones look expectantly at Spock. He remains passive, only arching an eyebrow in question. 

“Spock,” Jim says slowly. “What the hell?”

“I do not understand your query, Captain.”

“All the touching and the caring!” Jim knows he’s waving his arms like a madman. “What the hell is that about?”

“The child was in need of comfort. As she responded only to my presence and my touch, it was logical that I offer it.”

“Well, then,” Bones says. “You can be the point man on this. Thea is hydrated and nourished, but there isn’t any food in her stomach. She’s six years old but has a confusing amount of strength. She isn’t anything like Kahn, but her brain waves are off the charts and she’s been physically and mentally conditioned. I think, once she’s comfortable, her speech pattern will better reflect a teenager than a child. That’s just an assumption though, I haven’t run any aptitude tests.”

“That matches up with what we found.” Jim crosses his arms. “The lab was…extensive. Treadmills, mazes, a mini classroom, shit like that.”

“She needs to talk to a psychologist.”

“I do not think she would be amenable to that yet.” Spock says defensively, folding his hands behind his back. “She trusts very few at the moment. With no family found in the database, it is unlikely she will be comfortable with any being not part of her rescue.”

“How long until we get to Starbase 16 for shore leave?”

“Approximately eight days, twelve hours, and seven minutes. On our way there, however, we are expected to stop and deliver the supplies we last picked up from Starbase 47 for the Rulian exploratory teams." 

“Right. So we have about eight days to figure out what to do about a little girl who could kill us in our sleep."

“I believe there is more that I have discovered,” Spock interrupts. “Thea told me she possesses the ability to read and understand people’s emotions.”

Jim feels his stomach drop. “She’s an empath. They don’t exist anymore.”

“My team has discovered that was the attempt of the laboratory. They were experimenting to create empaths for the purpose of control.”

“Goddamn lunatics,” Bones grumbles. “She may not psychologically be like Kahn, but they were certainly trying to make some sort of super-kid.”

“Given the correct circumstances, Thea would surpass the danger that Kahn presented.”

“What exactly do you mean by that?” Kirk asks. 

Spock folds his hands behind him. “Kahn was created as an adult and had no empathic abilities. If you combine Thea’s remarkable intelligence, her strength at her current age, and her ability to sense and possibly influence the emotions of the people around her, she would be a formidable weapon as this age.”

“If they’d given her years to develop and train, she would be stronger and smarter than Kahn.” Jim understands. He looks through the glass again, watching the girl fiddle with her hands. “And if she could cripple anyone with fear, distract them, make them fall in love with her and obey her…”

“Who knows what she could do.” Bones shakes his head. He glowers even more than usual, fists clenching. “People are sick. You know what happens if command gets wind of this?”

Jim thinks about Marcus and the secret warship, about how he wanted to kill Kahn to cover up his own failure to control a weaponized soldier. His thoughts drift to Admiral Komack—the man sympathetic to Marcus’ memory and the idea of weaponizing more of Starfleet.

“Until Thea can control herself, we need to keep this a secret,” Jim says. His eyes flick to Spock. “Starfleet will want her put in specialized care, raised to be their own sort of weapon, if they know what she’s capable of. Either that, or they’ll think she’s like Kahn and want her terminated. I won’t allow that. Can you handle omitting on your report?”

Spock doesn’t answer immediately. He turns, watching Thea through the glass. She’s now reading on the PADD again, a small smile in the corner of her lips as she scrolls. She looks up, directly to Spock, and gives a little wave before going back to her story. 

“Yes,” Spock says then. His gaze doesn’t waver. “I will speak to the two lieutenants on the away team and ensure they do the same. She will come to no harm.”

**)-(**

That night, Bones sees no reason to keep Thea in Sick Bay. Since she isn’t comfortable anywhere without Spock, the Vulcan offers up his bed for the little girl. Jim spends the entire day reeling in confusion until it’s time for their nightly chess match in Spock’s quarters. 

They sit at Spock’s table while Thea lays in the bed, absorbed in her story. 

“So,” Jim murmurs, knowing Spock can hear him. “You let her touch you, you’re offering up your bed…”

“Is there a question, Captain?”

Jim shoots him a withering look. 

“Is there a question,  _ Jim _ ?”

“I just…” Jim takes one of Spock’s rooks. “I want you to tell me why you’re more open with a kid you don’t know than us.”

Spock tilts his head slightly. That look always makes Jim’s head spin. The Vulcan would probably turn his nose up at being looked at as cute, but he does, and it drives Jim wild. 

“Us, Spock, your family. I thought after the Kahn incident you would be more open and comfortable with us. We went through something pretty shitty as a crew, especially command crew.”

Spock turns his gaze away from Jim. “You are disappointed I am not acting more human.”

“No, Spock,” he rushes. “I would never want you to compromise the life you’ve chosen. You’ve pursued the Vulcan lifestyle over your human side, and that’s fine. I just wish you’d trust me enough to show it to me.”

“Jim,” the Vulcan says quietly. His features are set in certainty, but his eyes…they look almost sad. “I trust you, above any other. Yet, I am compromised more easily than other Vulcans. My human side makes it more difficult to control what I let ‘slip through the cracks’ as humans might say.”

“There has to be some sort of balance you can reach, if you decide you want to express yourself.”

“It takes a great deal of meditation,” Spock concedes. “With Thea, it is easy. She is able to read my emotions and understand what comfort I wish to offer. She finds me warm and feels my protection.”

“You like me,” she calls from the bed. When Jim turns, she’s wearing a small smile. “Fondness, when you talk about me. That’s what my book says it is.”

“Eavesdropping is not polite, Thea.”

She blushes. “I can’t help it. Everything is loud.”

“We will begin honing your skills tomorrow,” Spock tells her.

“What do you mean by book?” Jim asks, curiosity getting the best of him. 

“Mr. Bones gave it to me,” she says. “He said I’m smart enough to understand it. It tells me about emotions and what they feel like. It says fondness, in its basest way, is a warmth for another person. When Spock speaks of me, or to you, he feels a warmth. He feels...settled.”

Jim would love to explore that, but Spock raises an eyebrow. “I admit to curiosity about this book, but the day has been long. For now, Thea, you should rest.”

A look falls over her face that Jim knows from long nights in the mirror. Sleeping peacefully after something traumatic is almost never possible. 

“Thea,” he says abruptly. “Has anyone ever read you a bedtime story?”

“No.” she frowns. Her blonde hair curtains her face as she looks down. “I was expected to read everything myself.”

“Well.” Jim’s voice  _ does not _ crack. He leans forward in his chair. “I know we haven’t known each other very long, but I’ll tell you something I don’t share with a lot of people.”

Her eyes look up then.

“I once went through something terrible. I was part of a group of people who were starving, fighting for their lives and running from evil people. Some kids in the group were very little, and they had trouble sleeping. But, when I would tell them bedtime stories, it was easy to fall into a different world, and easy to fall asleep.”

“I guess it could be okay,” she shrugs. Thea looks at Spock. “You’ll stay, won’t you?”

“Of course.”

“Please.”

“I will.”

“You say that,” Thea says. “But people say lots of things and don’t--”

Spock rises. Thea flinches at the motion, but Spock takes note and holds his hands up. “I have dropped my shields some, little one. Reach into my emotions. Can you feel me?”

Thea nods. 

“What you feel is sincerity.” Spock steps closer, to the edge of the bed. “This sincerity means that when I say I will do something, I will do it. I will stay, in this room and the next, and I mean that.”

“Sincerity,” Thea murmurs. She looks up and reaches a hand to Spock. He comes closer and lets her fist her small hands into his shirt. Jim watches with something akin to pain, but in a good way, as Spock props himself against his headboard and lets Thea take security in his presence. Her eyes drift up to Jim. “You may begin when you’re ready.”

By the time Jim finishes the first chapter of Alice in Wonderland, Thea is curled around a pillow and sleeping softly. As Jim stands up to leave, he realizes there’s no way that Spock would share the bed with a six-year-old.

“Where are you sleeping?” he whispers softly, glancing at Thea. 

“I had thought to meditate on the floor in place of sleep.”

“Nah,” Jim says. “Bunk with me.”

“Captain, I do not feel it is necessary—

“Come on, Spock. I don’t bite, unless you like it, so there’s no harm in sharing a bed. My bunk is bigger than anyone else’s on the ship, there is plenty of room for you avoid physical contact.”

Spock looks almost strained. “I suppose I would benefit from a period of rest before my morning meditation.”

“And you need a space to sleep, I have the space to sleep. Why not use it?”

“Very well.”

Jim tries not to think about how stupid this is. Sharing a bed with his First Officer, who he is definitely in love with, and keeping to himself, is incredibly indulgent of his inner wants. He’s playing with fire and hoping to get burned, like the dumbass masochist that he is. 

So, Jim ignores the nightly routine of brushing his teeth at the double sink with Spock. He distinctly ignores how comfortably they maneuver around each other when they change to pajamas. He definitely doesn’t preen at how fond Spock looks when he says, “Computer, raise temperature by ten degrees Celsius.”

“Jim, you do not have to—

“Spock, its fine,” Jim says. “I sleep in boxers anyway, so we know I won't get too hot.”

And Spock? Spock sleeps shirtless, wearing what seems to be nothing but soft-looking black pants. 

Jim faces the wall so that he doesn’t fantasize about what he could do to the long contours of muscle. 

**)-(**

_ Jim watches the tear fall down Spock’s face, hurting all the more for it.  _

_ “Because you are my friend.” _

_ Not quite, Jim thinks, but it’s powerful enough that a Vulcan cries for a human. It’s powerful that he cries at all or uses a term of endearment like friend. So instead of pushing, of confessing that he loves Spock more than he’s ever been capable of loving someone else, Jim simply raises his hand to try and form the ta’al for Spock, one last time.  _

_ The pain increases, and Jim thinks this is it. If he’s going to die, not able to receive physical comfort as his body fails him, than at least Spock’s eyes are the last thing he sees— _

“Jim.”

Jim shoots up in the bed. Spock is next to him, hands shaking enough that Jim can feel it on the mattress next to him. “Spock? Are you okay?”

“You rolled close to me, causing skin to skin contact,” Spock says lowly. “You projected a dream, and I saw your memory of the radiation chamber. I regret to wake you, my friend, but I did not wish to relive that moment, any more than I do on my own.”

“Spock, I am so sorry,” Jim says slowly. He wants to reach out and comfort him, but there’s no clothing on his arm to stop the contact, so he refrains. “You know I’m tactile, I was stupid to think I could avoid the contact.”

“I do not…mind your touch, Jim.” Spock speaks softly, like it’s some great secret. “That particular memory was one I wished to avoid.”

“Makes sense.” Jim wishes he could see Spock right now, but his eyes haven’t quite adjusted to the dark yet. “I guess all this talk of Kahn brought back some memories. You can go back to sleep if you want. I’ll, uh-I’ll keep to my side of the bed.”

There’s a pause, and then a rustle as Spock lays down. Jim thinks that is the end of it when a hand clasps around his wrist and tugs him down. Before he knows it, his back is pressed against Spock’s chest, the bare skin almost tingle in relief. A wave of contentedness washes over him. “S-Spock?”

“My mother used to hold me and focus on projecting comfort when I experienced unpleasant dreams as a child. I offer the same comfort to you.”

Jim wriggles for a second, adjusting to the position of Spock spooning him and is suddenly thankful that Spock taught him how to mentally shield. “Thank you, Spock.”

He pauses. 

“I thought Vulcans didn’t dream?”

“As you are keen on reminding me, Jim, I am half-human.”

Jim smiles, tucks himself into the comfort of Spock’s embrace, and doesn’t think about the consequences the morning might bring. 

**)-(**

When Spock awakes, he is reminded of his weakness when it comes to Jim. With no other human would Spock have wrapped himself around their body to protect and comfort in their sleep. With no other human would the primal part of Spock purr, burrowing closer to the scent of his mate. 

_ Jim is not my mate, _ he chastises himself.  _ Remove your limbs from his.  _

And so, Spock slowly extracts himself from his position curled around his captain. It takes little time to complete his morning routine of brushing his teeth, donning his uniform, and preparing for meditation. As the domesticity of sharing a room with Jim disrupts his equilibrium, Spock determines it will be best to meditate in his own quarters, where his incense and candles already await. 

Thea is still sleeping when he enters. Her small frame is curled around the same pillow she was clutching when she fell asleep. Her face is hidden by her blonde curls, and she has made herself a sort of burrow of his blankets. It is almost amusing to see her little form in his adult bed, and he finds that he has the urge to brush a thumb over her forehead, clearing her face. 

He resists. 

Spock walks with care to the foot of his bed. He retrieves his mat and uncurls it. He finished by burning incense that reminds him of his lost planet, and lighting a candle to focus on. He is just crossing his legs and laying his palms flat on his thighs when he hears a shuffling from the bed. 

"Thea," he acknowledges, keeping his voice low. "You are awake early."

"Sometimes, people feel more when they're awake," Thea whispers, as if she fears reprimand. "Can I ask what you're doing?"

"Meditating."

"Why?"

"It calms my mind and centers my katra."

Thea appears to think for a moment before straightening her head. "Katra. Like a soul." 

"Yes." Irrationally, pride flares in his mind. "You have mentioned that emotions of others are loud. Would you like to join me?"

"Do I have to?" 

By the hesitation in her voice, Spock is once again reminded of her upbringing thus far. "No, little one, you do not have to. You are welcome to sit with me, or to return to sleep. I will require silence, however."

Spock makes sure to focus his emotions to a gentle fondness so she knows he means well with his instruction. It appears to work, as Thea nods and folds her legs beneath her. She mimics his posture across from him.

"How?"

"For today, we will focus on breathing. Is that amenable to you?" 

For the next two hours, Thea is a remarkable student. She follows the instructions on Spock's breathing ritual, eyes open and focused on the flame until he hears her heartbeat slow. When she calms and focuses, her mind often drifts to her worries and previous situation, and her heart rate spikes. She loses focus and begins to breathe irregularly, but Spock is able to draw her back in with a projection of safety. 

They start again. 

It takes multiple attempts for her to last longer than 3.7 minutes. After their meditation time is up, Thea is rested and calm. She helps Spock put away his items without any prompting, and waits why the replicator as he programs her new clothes. 

"We will equip you with more clothes once we arrive at the Starbase," Spock informs her. "For now, what do you desire to wear?"

"I can pick?" Thea's eyes widen. "I can pick the colors?"

Spock instructs his muscles not to frown. "Yes, the color and the articles themselves."

Her mouth forms a small "oh" as she processes this information. Thea tugs at the sleeves of Spock's uniform that she still wears. 

"This is soft," she says. "May I have one like this?"

"Of course. What color?" 

"I don't know," she admits. "What do you think?"

Spock surveys her blonde curls and wide blue eyes. "I believe a blue sweater would be most appropriate. What color pants?"

She smiles shyly. "Black. I can look like you!" 

That gives Spock an idea. 

By the time Thea has finished eating a rations bar she found in the bedside table, Jim requests entrance to their room. He enters to find Thea standing in front of Spock as he works delicate plaits into her hair. She’s wearing science blues in her own size, with black leggings and black boots similar to that of an officer. She strongly resembles a miniature starfleet ensign. Something about this sight pleases the captain immensely, as he beams at the pair. 

"Look at our newest little science officer!" Jim laughs. "Are you prepared for you first day as an explorer of space?"

Thea nods, enthusiastic, and Spock gently chides her to keep her head still. "The captain and I must both work, Thea. Are you comfortable keeping me company or staying in the room?"

"May I join you?" Thea asks him. Once more, worry filters into her tone.

"Of course," Spock says. "You will learn something about me, little one; I do not offer company if I do not desire it." 

Thea says nothing, but waits until her braid is completed. She turns to him, head tilted back so they may make eye contact. "Do I look well?"

"We shall ask the captain if we pass inspection," Spock says. He turns Thea around and rests his hands on her shoulders, catching the open joy sparkling in Jim's eyes. "Captain? Do we pass?"

Jim's lips pull into a brilliant smile. "With flying colors, Commander." 

**)-(**

“Captain.” 

Jim glances over the Uhura, who sits with her back straight at attention. “Security just commed. Commander Spock is currently absorbed in a project in the science labs, but our underaged guest seems to be wondering the ship unsupervised. She can’t go to the lab with the chemicals they’ve begun working with and Giotto thinks she’s bored.”

“Send her up here,” Jim says easily. 

Half of the bridge crew stiffen, while some throw him incredulous looks. Uhura blinks. “Captain, children aren’t allowed on the bridge.”

“ _ Unattended  _ children are not allowed on the bridge," Jim corrects with a grin. “Send her up, Lieutenant.”

Uhura blinks again, but turns sharply and does as she’s told. 

When Thea arrives on the bridge, Jim can’t help but smile at how openly curious she looks. Distrustful as she may be, she clearly wasn’t taught to reign in her emotions. “Good morning, Captain Kirk.”

“Good morning, Ensign Thea,” he replies smoothly, turning his chair. “How would you like to learn the workings of my ship?”

She fiddles with her hands, not meeting his eyes. “That could be fun.”

“Come on over.” He motions. “You’ll be my captain-in-training.”

She stands next to him warily, before dropping her voice and leaning in as if sharing a secret. “ _ You _ love Spock, like  _ I  _ love Spock. Friends love the same things. That makes us friends...right?”

Jim thinks about asking how she could possibly know he loves Spock, when it occurs to him that she can feel what he feels. 

“Yes, we are friends,” he says instead. “Would you like to sit in the chair yourself?”

Thea shakes her head. “May I...May I stand here for now?”

“Absolutely.” Jim assures her. “Now, let’s start with the Captain’s chair. This button is to the shipwide comm system…”

And so the first half of Alpha shift is spent with Jim answering Thea’s questions as she stands by him and points to everything. Her curiosity cannot be contained, and this brings out an ally in  _ Chekov _ . Though she doesn’t move near him and generally cringes away from anyone walking too close, she’s very good about continuing to engage in conversation. Chekov answers her questions as quickly as she asks them, eventually grinning in a conspiratorial way and stage-whispering, “I know what it feels like to be little, but the smartest person in the room. You will be brilliant navigator like me, eh?”

Thea looks at Jim. “Then I could explore the stars, too?”

“Honestly, honey? You can do anything you want to do.”

Surprise washes over her face, as if nobody has ever told her that, and Jim thinks this feeling it draws from him is his heart is breaking. Something almost possessive flares in his chest and he swallows. “I think it’s time for lunch. Hungry, kid?”

She glances at Chekov forlornly, as if wanting to stay, but eventually nods. “Yes, Captain.”

“You don’t have to, Thea,” he tells her. “It’s just that it’s getting about time and I thought you might like some food.”

She tilts her head in confusion, and Jim fights the urge to grip his chair in fury as he recalls Bones words about her nutrition. Thea looks mildly alarmed. “I did not mean to upset you--”

“No, no, you didn’t.” Jim tries to keep his voice light. Normally it’s easy for him to convince people he’s easy going, but Thea can feel him. He’s  _ got  _ to get a control on his emotions. “I was thinking about someone else. Why don’t you come on up with me to get some food, and we can wait for Spock together?”

He catches Sulu’s smirk. 

“Okay,” Thea whispers. “Okay.”

Jim usually takes his lunch in the crew mess, as a way of breaking barriers between the command crew and the rest of the ship. Today, however, he thinks that many people might be a little much for Thea, even with how quickly she’s adjusting. He takes her to the private command mess, which has more comfortable chairs and an actual kitchen. 

“Aright, kid,” he says. “What do you want to eat? I can replicate something that you want, or I can cook with our limited resources.”

“I don’t know,” Thea says in confusion. “This morning, I had a rations bar from Spock’s supplies. I have never tried real food.”

Jim feels like he’s gonna be sick.  _ Thea is hydrated and nourished, but there isn’t any food in her stomach. _

“I apologize for upsetting you,” Thea says softly. She looks at her hands. “I don’t want to cause you illness.”

She can probably sense the nausea. Jim tries to throw up the mental shields he normally saves for Spock. “Honey, no, I’m not angry with you. I’m…amazed that you haven’t had any real food. We need to start with something light, so we don’t upset your stomach. Can I call my friend Bones here? He's the doctor from yesterday and he can help me decide what's best for you.”

Thea nods wordlessly. 

Bones decides on a small amount of bread and peanut butter to start with. As Jim slathers peanut butter on a piece of whole grain bread, the doctor explains that peanut butter will go a long way. “See, Thea, your stomach isn’t used to having actual food in it. It’s small, and can’t fit a lot. However, you need a lot of food because your body burns up a lot of energy, more than most kids. It’s another way you’re special. With the peanut butter, you won’t have to eat so much to get the stuff you need, like protein and sugar and fat.”

She nods as she understands. “I think Spock will bring me to you after lunch. You are very interesting.”

“Here that, Jimmy? I’m interesting.” Bones grins as Jim rolls his eyes and slides the plate in front of Thea. “Now, eat that slow, sweetheart. Even if it taste real good.”

She nods without saying anything else. There is a moment where Jim prays she doesn’t have a nut allergy like him, and catches the hypo Bones has sticking out of his pocket, hand hovering over. 

Bones may hate people, but he loves kids. Thea is no exception. 

It turns out that Thea isn’t allergic to peanut butter, and she’s pretty obsessed. By the time the rest of the command crew filters in, Spock at the rear, she’s finished her sandwich and is slowly nursing a glass of milk. The sight of the Vulcan makes her smile widely and stand in her chair so she can throw her arms around his approaching figure. 

She doesn’t seem too keen on letting go, so Jim clears his throat. “Can I make anything for you, Spock? Thea’s got everyone in here except me eating peanut butter.”

“Is that not worrisome for your allergies, Captain? I was under the impression that increased proximity to the allergens is dangerous to your well-being.”

“Bones has given him two preventative hypos,” Uhura assures Spock, even as she reaches for her own sandwich. “He’s totally safe.”

“Very well,” Spock nods. He takes a seat, gracefully maneuvering Thea into his lap, where she eagerly snuggles into his chest. “I will have vegetable stir fry from the replicator.”

Jim goes about his task, watching Thea out of the corner of his eye. Though she’s latched onto Spock, she speaks to Sulu curiously about flowers. It’s a calm curiosity that she showed on the bridge, but the same light flickers in her eyes when her questions are answered. Her eagerness is soon caught on by Scotty, who begins talking to her about engineering. 

“Scotty, she’s six, she isn’t going anywhere near your engines.”

“But she’s brilliant, Captain! How am I supposed to not want to teach her everything I know? It’s best to start young—”

“Thea is not permitted to enter the Engineering dock under any circumstances,” Spock tells Scotty firmly. He seems to hold Thea closer, but that has to be imagined. “For if she were to come to harm, I would hold you personally responsible.”

Scotty shudders. “Aye, sorry lassie. Looks like you’ll have to stick to books for now.”

Thea starts to argue, but is halted by a yawn that makes her little eyes flutter. 

“A period of rest is in order,” Spock says. “Captain, I believe I will take Thea back to my quarters before returning to the bridge.”

“Yeah, of course.” Jim waves it off. “We’ll see you there.”

Spock nods, still carrying an almost-asleep Thea, and leaves the command mess. The door barely slides shut before his team is looking at him sharply. 

“We have to keep her,” Uhura says instantly. “Do you even know what the foster system is like? Over two thousand years of humanity, and it’s still shit.”

“And who else is going to protect her?” Scotty asks. “She’s doing pretty damn well with her shields, but she cannae be protected from the government except by people who know how it works.”

Bones looks like he agrees. “She doesn’t trust doctors, but we’ve established a trust, she can’t be whisked off to a lab with other people who don’t understand her.”

“We are brightest of Starfleet, yes?” Chekov offers. “What better place for her to grow up than with those who can best educate her?”

Sulu is the only one who doesn’t speak. His face is neutral, and he’s looking at Jim warily. 

“Speak your mind, Hikaru,” Jim says softly, even if he knows what’s coming.

“Sir, I’m as fond of Thea as the rest of us, and I’ve definitely never seen Spock like that with anyone,” he says. “But…I have a daughter. She and Ben are on Earth because of his job, yeah, but it’s also about the fact that last year, we had a homicidal maniac on board who tried to blow us up. Yeah, there are escape pods, but this ship is dangerous for a kid.”

“We’re a science vessel, a diplomatic vessel,” Scotty argues. “And we’ve got the best crew in the world. If she’s safe anywhere, its with us.”

“Out of all the ships, maybe,” Sulu presses. “But what happens if there’s another Kahn? Or Nero? And if she somehow stays, if Spock or Kirk are her guardians, what then? That little girl has had enough trauma, watching someone she loves die isn’t something she needs on the list.”

“Being planet-side doesn’t guarantee safety,” Jim murmurs. “There were plenty of little girls on Vulcan.”

Something somber passes over Sulu. “That’s a rare occurrence.”

“Is it? She wasn’t in space when she was kidnapped and raised to only know isolation and pain, no love, no nurturing. I wasn’t in space when I was stranded on Tarsus and had to watch babies die of hunger. And if we hadn’t intervened, there would have been millions of children that died on earth.”

Sulu shakes his head. “The likelihood is too big. We don’t know what we’re going to encounter, every day.”

“Neither does anyone on Earth,” Uhura offers. She touches Sulu’s arm. “Hikaru, do you want to spend your life missing your family because you think you can protect them better this way?”

He doesn’t seem like he wants to talk anymore, so Jim stands. “Alright, guys. Back to the bridge. We’ll talk more the closer we get to Starbase 16.”

Sulu nods and Jim thinks that’s the end of it.

When he’s settling into bed that night, however, his PADD pings pleasantly. He picks it up to find an official request from Command. 

_ Lieutenant Commander Sulu, pilot on vessel USS Enterprise, is requesting permission for accommodations to be made to his quarters that will allow his husband and child on board. They would be joining the exploration vessel for a one year probationary period. Please sign your consent below to accept Benjamin Sulu as medical personnel under Doctor Leonard McCoy, as well as acknowledgement of the care of a minor. _

Jim signs the form, submits it, and falls asleep with a smile on his face, optimistic for the upcoming week. 

**)-(**

Until, of course, he is awoken by a finger poking his cheek. 

“Thea?” he mumbles. Spock’s arm around his waist falls away (when had that gotten there? He didn't have any bad dreams tonight) as he pushes up onto his elbow. “Lights, twenty-five percent.”

He sees the outline of her face, as well as the sparkle of some tears. He feels Spock shift behind him, coming awake. “Thea? What is the matter?”

“I had a nightmare,” she whispers. She’s clearly still crying. “I thought I was back in the lab.”

“Come,” Spock orders gently. She crawls over Jim to where Spock is, against the wall, wiping at her eyes. The Vulcan reaches a hand to her cheek and brushes away her tears tenderly. “You are safe now,  _ ax-nav _ . I will let no harm come to you. There is nothing to fear, as long as I am near.”

Jim lays back on his side, facing Spock now. It’s a tender sight, the little blonde girl leaning into Spock’s embrace and drawing comfort. It’s almost easy to imagine that she’s their child, as fond of Spock as Jim is. He thinks they could take care of her like their own, if Jim told Spock how he felt and if he demanded Thea stay in his custody. 

“Jim?” Thea asks shakily, still latched onto Spock. “Will you come tell me a story again, so I can sleep?”

Jim knows he should carry her back to her room, read her a story and let her fall asleep in a bed by herself because coddling isn’t always healthy. But, he remembers Tarsus. The nightmares, the way his mom left him with Frank again, with no comfort. He’d barely been able to stand it as a teenager--how is this little girl coping?

He lifts the covers and pats Spock’s pillow. 

“Why don’t you stay here tonight?” he suggests softly. “And then you’ll know for sure, even in sleep, that you’re protected.”

She looks to Spock, who nods wordlessly. Together, the three of them snuggle under the covers. Jim watches in amazement as Spock soothingly strokes the crown of Thea’s head. 

“Once upon a time,” he whispers, overwhelmingly in love and trying not to show it. “There was a young girl named Briar Rose…”

**)-(**

"Spock! Spock!" 

The commander turns to see his charge running down the corridor. Nyota is not far behind her, jogging lightly to keep up with the excited child. She barely covers a snort when Thea, too strong for her size, leaps gracefully to Spock so that he must catch her.

"Sorry!" Thea giggles when Spock loses a bit of air due to the force of impact. "I missed you!"

"You were in my company only 1.6 hours ago, little one," Spock reminds her, though he knows how he holds her close contradicts his statement. 

"You missed me too," Thea whispers. "Don't worry, I won't tell. I know emotions embarrass you."

Spock sets her down and touches her cheek briefly. "What may I do for you ?"

"What are you doing?" she peers around him. "May I learn?"

"Do you wish for me to answer the first query before the second?" Spock arches an eyebrow. 

Thea blushes and nods. 

"I am on my way to bridge to inform the Captain that supplies for the Rulian colony are in the transporter room, prepared for beam down on his command."

"Can't you tell him on your comm unit? Like when Mr. Gio called Miss. Nyota?" 

Nyota chuckles. "The captain often prefer face to face communication. Spock is especially accommodating to that."

Spock schools his features into calm, even as Thea grabs his sleeve. "Miss. Nyota...what you are feeling right now, what is it called?"

"Mirth," Spock answers. "She is teasing me."

"Why do people tease?" Thea questions. 

"Because," Nyota tells her. "It's very fun."

Nyota parts with them to attend her own lunch, but Thea keeps her fingers entwined into the fabric at Spock's hip. She chatters along as they walk, contentment firing up Spock's side every time her knuckles brush through his thin shirt. She has been in his company for only 52 hours and is already transformed. She feels safe. Secure. Possibly loved. 

Spock puts up his shields and fights the irrational urge to hide her away from anyone who might compromise her current state. 

"And I've almost memorized aaaaaaallll of the stars!" she finishes her explanation of the stars in the Rulian system with a dramatic flourish of the hand. "Nyota says I don't have to learn a bunch right now, but I like it! I don't have to do math or read about war and logic and biology. I can read about the stars and Mr. Scotty's engines and Vulcan and it's cool!"

“Cool?” Spock says. “I find that studying has no bearing on temperature. Furthermore, it is an adjective that cannot be applied to studying because that action itself has no temperature.”

Thea giggles. “Captain Jim said you would say exactly that, and to tell you to not be such a sorry sport.”

Spock is helpless to control his eyebrows as they scrunch together. “I am afraid I do not understand that.”

“Captain Jim said you wouldn’t.”

“And since when have you formed such a bond with Captain Jim?”

Thea only giggles once more in reply. She skips as she walks, excitement punctuating every sentence as she continues talking about old Vulcan traditions. Spock lets her ramble. She is a curious and intelligent child. Even if she no longer needs to be taught the way she was, Thea certainly needs education and stimulation. She will grow bored if she does not have it. 

When they walk onto the bridge, many of the crew turn to smile at the little girl. She eases slightly more into Spock's side. He ventures a guess that she is not quite comfortable with too much attention, and simply seeks out her known friends. 

The captain turns his chair, revealing his slouched manner and one leg tossed over the side. Spock keeps his mask in place, but momentarily embraces the fondness that creeps into his heart. His captain will always be much too relaxed in this position of authority. 

"Commander Spock, Ensign Thea," Jim says warmly. "Do you have reports for me?"

Thea steps forward, arms held behind her back and holding shoulders at attention. "The supplies for the Rulians are currently in the transporter bay, waiting for your word to send them down." 

"Excellent." Jim stands. "Spock, the settlement governor has invited us down for afternoon tea as a thank you for delivering. Would it be inappropriate to say no?"

"It is possible it would be seen as a snub. You are currently the Federation's most celebrated captain. I believe it is wise to join them for tea." 

"Awesome. Let's go. Sulu, you have the Conn."

Sulu nods respectfully as the captain leads the way to turbolift. Once in, Thea reaches for him. Jim does not hesitate in offering his hand for her to hold while also picking up his communicator. Thea grips his finger, and turns to Spock, using her free hand to twist into his shirt. Spock feels her head lean against him as she relaxes into his hold, still gripping Jim's finger. 

"Giotta here, captain."

"I want four security officers to be ready for beam down in the next ten minutes. Two of them need to dress in science blues, though, because I don't want them to think we don't trust them."

"Aye, captain. We'll be in transport in ten minutes."

"Thank you." Jim hangs up the phone and looks down at Thea. "Spock and I have to go down to the planet for a little bit. I'd really like to have him with me. Are you comfortable with staying with Mr. Bones while we're gone?" 

Thea drops his hand in favor of turning and clutching Spock's shirt. She looks up in fear. "You're leaving the ship?"

"It will not be for long, little one," Spock attempts to assure her. "We will have tea, and then we'll be back to continue on our way."

"Can I go with you?" Thea presses. There are tears in her eyes. "I'll be good, I promise, I'll be quiet and I won't ask questions and I—"

Spock kneels. "Thea. You are not remaining here because I wish to leave you behind or because you have done something wrong." 

Fear radiates off of the child. In pressing his hands to hers, he catches glimpses of abandonment followed by pain, and a gripping loneliness so strickening that Spock's heart wants to stop in his side. 

"I haven't upset you?" Thea asks, lip trembling. "I thought, maybe if I've bothered you—"

"No, little one, you have done nothing wrong. I wish to  _ protect _ you. These beings we are visiting are unknown to us. I would not risk you, do you understand?"

"Then why do you have to go?" 

"Sometimes," Jim says softly. "People want Spock and I to come see them because we're...well, we're famous, honey. And people like to feel important. So Spock and I have to go make people feel important because it's part of our job."

Thea purses her lips, in what seems to be an attempt to stop herself from crying. Spock is very close to succumbing to her wants, despite the knowledge that she must learn to not be overly attached. He wishes to disregard that fact and stay by her side at all times. It is most illogical, and oddly reminiscent of how he reacted to Jim for the first year after the Kahn incidents. 

Seconds away from Spock saying he will stay, Thea nods once. "You will  _ come back. _ "

It's an order, not a request. 

"Yes," Spock agrees. "I will come back." 

**)-(**

Spock does come back.

It's just.

He's in a stretcher. 

And Thea is  _ furious _ . 

"Spock said you protect people!" Thea is shaking, pacing outside of Spock's room where Bones is currently attempting to stitch lungs back together. "Why didn't you protect him, why is he hurt?"

Jim finds himself envying all the times Spock has to assure him it's not his fault when someone else gets hurt, but he pulls from the Vulcans arguments. "It happens sometimes, honey. And Spock is strong, he likes to take charge and protect people, so he protected the governor when the bomb went off."

"He can't be hurt!" Thea insists through her tears. "I need Spock, I need to see Spock, I—"

"Whoa there." Jim drops to a knee in front of her. Thea steps back, like she isn't comfortable being with anyone but Spock, and Jim realizes she probably isn't. For whatever reason, Spock is  _ it _ . Spock is her safety and her comfort, and she's not wholly comfortable with anyone else. 

"Thea," Jim begins. “I understand that you’re hurting. And I understand that you’re scared. I’m scared.”

This gives Thea pause. 

“I love Spock,” he tells her. “Just like you said. And I am scared because he’s hurt and I-I hate that, but we can’t do anything. The only ones who can are Doctor M’Benga and Mr. Bones. They’re going to do everything they can to save him.”

“Then what do we do?’ Thea asks, voice breaking. A single tear falls. “I want to make him okay.”

“We can’t, Thea.”

“How do you…” Thea shakes her head. “Okay. Okay. Can we wait here?”

“Of course,” he assures her. “We’ll wait together, alright?”

Thea shifts. “Alright.”

Jim folds his legs beneath him and sits in the hallway. Thea slowly lowers herself beside him, wiping quickly at her eyes. 

“I am sorry for being mad at you,” she says. “I didn’t know where to direct it.”

“And I’m right here,” Jim nods. “I understand, more than most people.”

“You…” Thea swallows. “You said something bad happened to you.”

“Yes. When I was a little older than you, I was sent to a colony, called Tarsus, where the people began dying. There was a famine, and there was no being saved from the Federation because the governor was hiding that it was even happening. I had to grow up too quickly, I had to take care of other people and do things to survive that no child should have to do. I still dream about it sometimes.”

“So the dreams don’t go away?”

“No, they do, mostly,” he shrugs. “It’s just that you don’t forget. The pain eases and you move on, but you’re forever changed by what happened to you. You’ll carry it for the rest of your life, honey, and that’s okay. You can’t take away what happened. You just continue living your life to the best of your ability, helping others and giving to the world what you can.”

She doesn’t say anything. Instead, she pauses to give him a long, hard look, as if gauging who he is to her. After what seems to be a moment of deliberation, Thea slides closer and lays her head against his arm, moving as if she wants to tuck into his side. Jim raises his arm and lets her lean into him. He tries to project comfort like Spock has taught him, letting Thea knows she’s cared for and safe. He knows Spock will be okay because he’s survived worse than shrapnel to the chest. But Thea  _ doesn’t _ know and doesn’t understand that.

So if she needs to borrow some of his confidence and assurance, then so be it. 

**)-(**

An hour later, when Bones steps out of the room covered in green blood, he nods. “He’s stable, and he’s gonna be just fine.”

Thea cries for ten minutes straight. 

**)-(**

When Spock awakes, there is a small child tucked into the side with no injury. Thea’s hand is laying against his heart. When he brushes hair from her face, he takes note of red, puffed skin around her eyes, and the tracks of dried tears. He worries, but simply readjusts himself so she fits more easily. 

Raising his head, Spock finds Jim at his bedside. The captain reaches his hand forward before pausing midair. Spock dips his chin enough to show that he’s accepting, and Jim lays a hand on his bare arm. There is a steady flow of affection and relief that Spock’s katra surges up to meet. 

“She was very worried,” Jim informs him. “We stayed outside for awhile, and she cried when Bones said you were okay. On the plus side, I think she and I are on good terms now.”

“You were not on ill terms before,” Spock reminds him.

“Nah, but it’s different.” The captain settles closer, elbows on the edge of the mattress. “She actually let me snuggle her.”

Something odd settles through Spock, and Jim laughs. 

“Oh my god, don’t be jealous, sweetheart,” Jim winks. “You’re still her favorite. It’s good that she’s trusting other people, though.”

“I am proud of her progress,” Spock agrees. “I am nervous about her ability to adjust, but this is a sign of hope.”

“It’s only been a couple days,” Jim points out. “She needs a lot more than that to adjust.”

Spock wishes to argue, but he does not understand childhood trauma the way that Jim and Thea do. He understands bullies and the pain of belonging to two cultures, of hating yourself and fighting your instincts. He does not, however, relate to the fight for survival or the torture at the hands of other adults. In this, he will defer to Jim’s expertise. 

“We will celebrate the small victories, then,” he eventually says. “You should rest, Captain.”

“You should rest,” he shoots back. “You’re the one who was shot.”

“Then it is only logical we both rest,” Spock replies. “You should return to your quarters.”

“ _ Our _ quarters.”

Spock fights a smile. 

“You know, Spock,” Jim lowers his voice, eyes on Thea. “She wasn’t the only one who was scared. You jumped at a diplomat to save someone you don’t know.”

“Vulcans are stronger than humans.”

“You’re a self-sacrificing little shit sometimes.”

“I believe the human phrase is “pot, kettle” or something of the sort.”

Jim bites his lower lip as if he too is fighting a smile. Keeping his hand on Spock’s arm, he squeezes lightly and rests his head on his free arm. “See you in the morning, Mr. Spock.”

“Sleep well, Captain.”

**)-(**

“We have to figure out what to do,” Bones says the next evening. The command crew is huddle together in a corner, watching Chapel lose at chess to Thea. Spock’s been out of Sick Bay for two hours, and has immediately come to watch Thea enjoy herself in the rec room. “We’re three days away from the base. Command is going to want an explanation and a plan.”

“I still think her abilities should be kept secret,” Jim answers. “Or only told to someone in the admiralty.”

“Like who?” Uhura frowns. “Barnett is trustworthy, but the kind of people who can court martial you are President Roth or Admiral Archer.”

“Both of whom are very fond of the captain,” Spock offers. “The likelihood of either of them selfishly using Thea’s abilities is 7.35 percent.”

“So contact Roth first,” Chekov suggests. “Let him know the situation, tell him she’ll be raised on this ship, and that Spock will be the perfect guardian. Convince him to let her live in peace.”

“And from there, Admiral Archer is your best bet,” Scotty says plainly. “He’s a good man, used to be president, and just took over as Starfleet’s head man. He’ll know who we can trust in Command. Aside from those few people, who has to know about Thea?”

“Roth can’t give Spock guardianship of Thea,” Sulu points out. “He can sign off on her presence on the ship afterwards, but Galactic Child Services will have to approve Spock.”

“And the roadblocks there?” Jim asks. 

Spock stiffens. “Vulcans do not often apply to adopt children outside of our species. Out of the six known cases of this, only one has been granted. It’s thought that other emotional species cannot be cared for by the cold logic of a Vulcan.”

Jim thinks of how Spock had brushed Thea’s tears away and sworn to protect her, in the middle of the night. “That’s bullshit. She likes the rest of us, but we might as well be chopped liver in comparison to you.”

“And yet,” Bones argues, looking pointedly at Jim. “They probably won’t grant him guardianship without a human partner.”

The discussion ends with Thea bounding over to Spock, smile so bright Jim’s heart stutters. “Nurse Chapel says I’m the best chess player she’s ever met.”

“Indeed?” Spock muses. “We shall have to see how you fare against a grandmaster such as myself.”

“I’m going to be a grandmaster.”

“I have no doubt in that, little one.”

Thea touches his arm. “I’m hungry now.”

“What would you like for dinner?”

“Peanut butter!”

“You must partake in something more substantial. Dr. McCoy has said he believes you’re ready for more.”

Thea pouts. “But I like peanut butter.”

“Did you know you favored peanut butter before you tried it?”

“No, sir.”

“Then how do you know you will not favor other foods once you try them?”

Thea looks thoughtful for a moment, before nodding once. “I will try something new.”

“Let’s have some soup, honey,” Jim offers. “I have a version of plomeek soup programmed that I think you’ll like.”

He doesn’t focus on the soft look from Spock, only the way Thea grabs his finger as she holds his first officer’s hand. “Proceed, Captain.”

“Yes ma’am!”

As they make to leave the rec room, it clicks in Jim’s head. The meaningful look from Bones, the way everyone seemed to think it was so obvious.  _ They probably won’t grant him guardianship without a human partner.  _

Jim swallows and tries not to dwell on that. 

**)-(**

In his dreams that night, Jim doesn’t slide into his side of the bed and face away from Spock. Instead, he crawls over the large mattress, hovering over Spock where the Vulcan lays on his back. Brown eyes widen. “Jim.”

“Let’s be a family, Spock,” he murmurs. Its instinct to lean down and press his lips to Spock’s bare chest, hand finding his first officer’s and linking their fingers. Desire rolls off of him, pushing towards Spock, who trembles slightly. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

He looks back to Spock’s face, enjoying the flush of green and parted lips. “Jim.”

His voice sounds so deliciously strained that Jim almost whines.

“I love you, Spock,” he says instead. He lets his lips explore the sinewy muscles of Spock’s chest and shoulders, licking along contours and nipping at the exposed skin. Spock’s breath becomes slightly labored, the flush of green spreading along his neck as Jim’s free hand travels lower to brush the dark hair past his navel. He finds himself talking into Spock’s neck. “I think about it almost constantly. You’re my best friend, but I wonder about more. What would it be like to have you wake me up with a kiss? To see you on the bridge and know where you’ll be later that night? To come to bed after putting our daughter down for the night and have you fuck me every which way?”

He emphasizes his last point by cupping Spock through the thin sleep pants he always wears. The Vulcan hisses, fisting a hand into Jim’s hair and pulling him in for a kiss. It’s like nothing Jim’s ever experienced, a tongue rougher than his own sliding against his, with their bare chests rising and falling against each other. Spock lets go of his hand and hair to pull Jim’s hips flush with his own, murmuring words in Vulcan that Jim loosely translates as cherish, protect, want, desire, always. 

_ It’s impossible _ , Jim thinks.  _ This is only a dream, but— _

Spock’s grip is bruising against Jim’s and his legs fall to straddle Spock so that they press easily together.  _ It feels real, too real, too teasing and not enough, I want, I want, I want— _

With a gasp, Jim’s eyes fly open. It’s almost pitch black. Instead of the clock reading 22:50 like it did in the dream, its red letters now say 02:47. Those, however, are the only differences. 

Jim is on top of Spock, their hips moving almost absentmindedly together. Spock is holding on to Jim like his life depends on it, breathing harshly against Jim’s neck from below him. “Spock, I’m sorry, I—

Spock cuts him off with a growl, rolling them so they’re back on Jim’s side of the bed and Jim is trapped beneath Vulcan heat. “You touched me, and welcomed me into your mind. Were your words sincere, Jim? You must tell me.”

“Yes,” Jim groans as teeth find his collarbone. “I love you, _ fucking hell _ , I love you so much.”

Spock licks a strip up Jim’s neck with that spectacular tongue and grinds their hardness together. “Jim, I want—

“Yes, whatever it is, _yes._ Fuck me, Spock, I’ll do anything. _Please._ ”

And boy, does that open up a door of wonder. 

**)-(**

Jim has spent the past three standard hours exploring every inch of Spock’s body, discovering as many reactions as he could manage. Currently, he’s sitting atop Spock again, lazily tracing patterns on his hands with his lips and tongue. Spock is a panting mess beneath him, flushed green cheeks and hooded eyes. 

_ I love you _ , Jim thinks softly, knowing Spock will hear him. He grazes the pads of Spock’s palm with his teeth.  _ I love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone else.  _

“And I, you,” Spock whispers back. He leans up, pulling his hand away from Jim’s mouth to press their lips together. “We have spoken very little since waking. I believe now, before we must return to our duties, that it would be appropriate to do so.”

Jim huffs, but settles beside Spock. “Alright. Marry me, Spock.”

“Captain—

“I’m completely in love with you,” Jim cuts him off. He places his hands on Spock’s chest. “If you want to wait to become more mentally and emotionally intimate, then we can do a Vulcan bonding later. Right now, though, we have limited time with Thea. We need to be legally married, so that they will approve an adoption. We can’t let her go anywhere else.”

“No, we cannot,” Spock agrees thoughtfully. His gaze traces over Jim’s features. “And you truly desire this? To marry me and be Thea’s guardian?”

“Yes, I do,” Jim swears. “I’ll get down on one knee if you like--or maybe do a ship-wide romantic gesture?”

“I do not believe that is necessary.” Spock says. His tone almost sounds bored, but one of his fingers traces the line of Jim’s jaw tenderly. “We will need to convince them we have been together for some time.”

And just like that, Jim knows Spock is saying yes. “They can interview command crew, and everybody will help us convince them. I know it.”

“I believe the same. What of Thea?”

Jim grins. “Come on, Spock. Why wouldn’t she want us to be her parents?”

**)-(**

Thea looks at Spock, then back to the Jim. “You are not already married?”

“No,” Jim says, feeling his brow furrow in confusion. “Why did you think that?”

Thea rolls her eyes, a move she definitely learned from Bones. “I am an empath, Jim.”

He waits.

“You are in  _ love _ .”

**)-(**

The ceremony is small. Uhura is certified to marry earth civilians, so she orchestrates it. Spock and Jim both wear their command uniforms, and the rest of the command crew looks on fondly (Thea from a spot holding flowers next to Spock). It’s simple, with pre-written vows and the real promises being the feelings the two men project as their hands brush and slide rings on each other’s fingers. 

The rest of the crew seems completely unsurprised that they are married. The command crew does nothing to dissuade the rumors of how long they’ve been married, which makes Jim question how well he thought he’d been hiding his affection. 

By the time they dock at Starbase 16, Spock is completely moved into Jim’s quarters. There isn’t much that’s changed, except a holo of Amanda Grayson with a young Spock on the wall, some extra clothing in the chest of drawers, and a one or two Vulcan texts blending in with Jim’s small library. Much of Spock’s work was always on Jim’s desk anyway, and the Vulcan’s chess set remains open in an ongoing game at the small dining table. 

“Is it wrong that we’re having the command crew lie for us?” Jim asks the night they marry, when he and Spock are curled beneath their blankets. “I figured it would make you uncomfortable.”

“I admit to selfishness, and protectiveness, over Thea,” Spock answers. “I know that it is wrong to deceive, and yet I find that I do not care. She cannot be allowed to become an experiment, and I truly believe I am the best option for helping her learn to control her powers.”

He pauses, pressing a kiss to Jim’s temple.

“I also love her. It is no difficulty to take the punishment of keeping a marriage secret when I have been keeping my love for you a secret for some time. The only lie I have told is that we’ve been married for months.”

“And how long have you known that you love me?” Jim means it almost as a tease, but also in curiosity. “I already told you I’ve loved you since basically since we started working together. What about you?”

Spock seems to think on it. His head tilts and he looks at Jim in what he’s come to recognize as affection. “I believe 2.3 years. There was no grand revelation, truly, yet I knew in that moment. We entered the shared bathroom at the same time. You were wearing a pair of grey sweatpants, and your hair was an otherworldly disaster. Yet, when we stood side by side to prepare for the day, you brushing your teeth and I combing my hair, I felt the sudden desire to spend every moment of my life with you, and every morning in that same manner, with only myself being privy to the intimate moments.” 

Jim knows his heart stutters in his chest and leans forward to kiss Spock soundly. There, he makes his own vows. “I love you, Spock. I promise you will be the only one to ever have those moments with me, for the rest of my life. My only lover, my best friend, my command brother.”

“Yes,” Spock murmurs, and Jim decides he needs to learn more Vulcan when Spock murmurs a long sentence in his native tongue before concluding with, “I swear myself to you,  _ ashayam _ . Until I breathe my very last breath, there will be none but you.”

There isn’t much talking after that. 

**)-(**

In the end, its Thea that convinces the Child Services agent that Spock and Jim are actually married.

“Thea, do you want to live with Mister Spock and Captain Kirk?”

“Yes.”

“And may I ask why?”

“Because they love me,” she says simply, holding tightly to the stuffed unicorn Scotty had managed to replicate. 

“How do you know this?”

“They let me sleep in their bed when I had a nightmare,” Thea explains. For a moment, Jim looks at Spock in a panic because that can’t be what they consider appropriate, right? Thea goes on. “Spock told me that nothing could harm me while he was near, and Jim told me a story until I fell asleep. I like their pillows. They smell like the shampoo.”

The last detail is unimportant, but Thea adds it so casually (with an adorable smile on her face) and sweetly, that the social worker seems satisfied. “Well, Captain Kirk, Mister Spock—we will be seeing each other in six months to check on Thea and her well-being. Until then, the papers are signed and you have guardianship. We will move into the adoption process when we feel certain your ship is the proper place for her.”

Spock nods. “You have our gratitude, Miss. Parks. Live long and prosper.”

She shakes hands with Jim, and then…walks away.

Thea turns to Spock, stares thoughtfully, and smiles. “You are Daddy.”

She turns to Jim. “You are Papa.”

“Is there any room for negotiation?” Jim teases, tugging on one of her braids.

“Papa will be under further consideration in approximately four years.”

Jim looks to his husband. “She’s talking like you already. My life is going to be hell.”

“No, Jim,” Spock touches Thea’s chin fondly. “I don’t think it will be.”


End file.
